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Home.

12/28/2015

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These cold, dark winter evenings seem to beg for movie night.. cozying in the little "movie fort" Eric and I have created in our tiny-home-on-wheels scenario in the woods.  Hot Toddies, Moose Munch, and a Redbox DVD can make for a pretty sweet little date night at home. ;-) So... last night we watched a lovely, uncomfortable, rather bleak movie called "Time out of Mind".  Haha... yeah, great date night movie. I seem to keep coming home with these kinds of movies, each time saying, "next time I'll get a comedy... I swear!" Either I'm a little warped or I just feel this pull to broaden and deepen my perspective on human existence. I'll go with the latter...... ;-)

Anyway, the movie starred Richard Gere, who gave an impressive, authentic performance as a homeless man.  It was both enlightening and unsettling, to say the least, putting the audience right into his day-to-day life on the streets. We see him dissociate from himself, those around him, and his predicament and go into primitive survival mode. Ironically, it is when he is at his absolute lowest point, stripped of his worldly identity, eating from garbage cans and begging for change, that he comes to grips with his "reality" and has the epiphany that he had come to believe he was completely worthless... and then begins to challenge that belief a bit.

There was so much about the movie that was eye-opening, especially the bureaucracy involved in homelessness and how society deals with it... but that would be a whole other blog in and of itself. I don't want to minimize or simplify the plight of homelessness here, so I'll just stick with the more spiritual aspects I personally took from the movie. First and foremost, it really made me appreciate the littlest things we often take for granted... wow. Understatement, really. But it also got me thinking about the whole self-worth aspect... and connection... and what having a HOME really means.

So much of what shapes us and our experience of life is what we think and feel about ourselves and our lives, for sure.  And... while I am so very grateful to have a roof over my head, a warm bed to sleep in, and food on the table... I know it is my connection to the spirit within me and to the spirits around me (my friends, family, community, and loved ones) that I believe to be HOME.  The only real security. I am humbly aware that none of us are completely immune to the possibility of homelessness in the physical realm... being physically displaced or "reduced", as a character in the movie put it. That's where dependence on connection (interdependence) plays such an important role. It is in connection... to our deepest, highest selves and to "our tribe", so to speak... that we feel our true worth... and what gives us any kind of protection from worldly "set-backs", for lack of a better word.
 
A couple of years ago, at a time I was in a somewhat vulnerable place, a song (well, a chant, really) came to me and I just kept singing it to myself. It was both soothing and empowering... and felt like being cradled in a blanket of "homey comfort". I share it with you now... maybe it will feel good to you to sing it, too. No accompaniment... totally unproduced... raw. Recorded on my phone in my living room. :-)

What does home mean to you? Is there a feeling of home in your heart... family... community?
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Just add light(s) !

12/18/2015

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In helping to prepare for a big holiday gathering out here at (what we are now calling) "Wild Wish", I decided to take on decorating the main room of Eric's family's log house. As I sifted through boxes of  family decorations and keepsakes, it was a challenge trying to figure out just how and where to start. I've only really decorated my own place with my own stuff. There were all kinds of fun and interesting adornments, each with its own history and tale of how it came to be. The tree wasn't even up yet (to be cut down right on the property!), so I was really starting from scratch.

As I looked around the spacious room with logged walls and big windows, all I could really think of was... Christmas lights! So, without a real plan, I just grabbed some lights and started framing the windows with them. Instant festivity and magic! With the lights up, a certain ambience filled the room and I suddenly broke into a flow of inspired creativity. Before I knew it, the whole room was decorated, sparkling with the magic of Christmas.

It got me to thinking about the power of lighting... and of light in general, both physically and metaphysically. Here in these shorter, darker days, we become acutely aware of light... mostly the absence of it. ;-) I do believe it's better to accept a certain amount of seasonal darkness rather than fight it... to allow ourselves to truly experience it and the gifts it may bring. Facing and embracing the darkness can bring us more fully into the light, for sure. That said, I am for the most part a "light seeker". I look for the light in situations. I strive to shine my light. It is in the light that I find the magic and sparkle in life. I learn from the darkness (the things I may still need to heal), but I don't live there. At least not anymore.  

Perhaps that is my connection with the dragonfly! (see earlier blog, "Dragonfly out in the Sun").  The dragonfly dances into the light and reflects light the same way we need to reflect ours. Amidst darkness, light is always there somewhere. We can struggle between the two... or we can dance with them.

The relevant and simplified meaning of Christmas (to me) is celebrating the birth of "the light". We carry the Christ light within us and deliver it out into the world. When I see those lights framing the beautiful windows in the log house... or twinkling on the tree... I feel the light inside of me. A beautiful, symbolic reminder. How do you remember the light inside of you so that you may radiate it out into the world?  

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Get me out of myself!

12/10/2015

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As a creative... an artist... I will be the first to admit that I spend a considerable amount of time processing. Pondering. Philosophizing. And I will also admit that often this involves a whole lot of... well... ME. ;-)

OK, so in all fairness, this is a positive thing in that I take care of myself, tend to my spirit, and stoke the fires of artistic expression so that I can share my insights and feelings with others (hence, my music... and this blog!). However, I am realizing, if not kept in check, there is a tendency to get lost in myself... and not always in a healthy way. I mean, yes, I believe it's a good thing to strive for self-actualization (a term I recently heard at a party and had to look up!), but I also believe there's a fine line between self-actualization and self-indulgence. I know I've crossed that line when I start making myself a little sick... sick of myself! ;-)

This week, in the midst of such a time, I received an unexpected opportunity to help someone out. Well... it turned out to be a real gift and reminder for me. Helping this person who needed my help got me out of myself and into the flow of service and love. That win-win of interdependence. It felt good and right... and brought balance. And now I feel like I'm in a healthier, more productive flow doing what's mine to do... in more of a serving kind of way. Because, really, serving IS what we're here to do... and by serving others, we in turn serve ourselves. I know this, of course, but sometimes I just kind of forget... ya know, when I'm lost in myself. Haha.

Thank you, universe, for kickin' me in the butt when I need it. :-) What about you? Are you willing and able to let something greater than yourself get you out of yourself?  


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Kickstarter Update!

12/3/2015

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CD release concert, 1 cent shipping at CD Baby, new video, and more!

Click this link to read: 
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1267091571/lauri-jones-love-will-provide-album-project/posts/1351374

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