So... I'm blogging. I don't know what's going to come out here, but here I am. Showing up. There's so much going on in the world right now that my blog topic ideas have been all over the place... and I just haven't been able to sit myself down and commit to one of them. So I will just start writing with all of them in mind and hope that some thru-line emerges. Bear with me... ;-)

So, hey... how are you? Have you been feeling at all like I have?... trying to focus on the simple, sacred, joyous day to day life experience best you can and still be tuned in to what's going on in the world?... trying to figure out what's yours to do with it all? Pretty intense stuff these past few weeks. I maintain that in spite of everything (especially what the media feeds us), there is more good than not. But I also know we've got to look at things. Not only look, but dig deep. I'm not even sure where to begin here.

I guess I'll just start with the biggie: "Black Lives Matter" and "White Privilege". All that has been uncovered in the past few weeks has been stirring in my mind... my heart... my being... in a way that is most definitely creating a shift. A lot of questions and tender thought. I myself acknowledge that I am of White Privilege. I get it. I accept it. And honestly... I'm struggling with the "shame" of it. It's tough. As it should be, I suppose. But I also know that shame is not going to help anything. I think my big question (because I seem to have more questions than answers these days and I think that's OK... to stand in the questions) is this: How do we truly enlighten and empower each other without shaming? Even on a subtle or subconcious level? Not only in race relations, but in politics, in religious/spiritual beliefs... how do we truly create change and recognize equality in terms of worth without shaming each other? I have seen many articles and posts on social media with good intentions and lots of information... but that feel like shame to me. I don't want sympathy for this... God no. Just looking for a way to break through the shame of "wrongs" and move toward empowered action. And it's just not that easy. It's just not.

I am grateful for having my eyes opened through all this. I see so clearly that I was raised with a lot of "sameness"... in my physical surroundings and in attitudes around me. There was supposedly safety and comfort in sameness. It was encouraged. It just was. Diversity was scary and to be avoided. And it's easy to just slip into sameness. To be drawn toward others that seem just like you. So, just knowing this, I have learned to look deeper. At the ways we are the same that don't look or feel the same on the outside. The key here is learned. Just as valuing sameness is a learned thing, so is honoring diversity. Learning to see right through to the one heart inside. To humanity. That there is a part of us all that really is the same inside... that we are all of the human race with the same basic needs.

So.... this brings me to the next biggie: politics. I really don't like politics, and I avoid posting political stuff on my social media pages, especially inflammatory bashing. But I do post political stuff that promotes higher wisdom (yes, it exists!). And I don't have to like politics in order to do my part: to educate myself, promote what I am for (rather than what I'm against), and vote. And here's where sameness comes in (see, there is a thru-line!). I really feel like we are being asked right now to stretch beyond our comfort zones. To look good and hard at each other and what binds us... not what divides us. And that it takes learning and practice. Actually, it's an un-learning, really... because we have no concept of differences and discrimination when we're born. But the point is, there is no shame in having been taught bias and discrimination and knowing we've got some work to do. It's about standing in the questions of what true equality looks like and what it takes to "get there" and being open to learning. But not out of shame. And not out of fear. And not even out of anger. They may be justified, but they are low-frequency vibrations that won't bring about the radical shift we need in the most truly beneficial way. We need to be empowered out of love, hope, compassion, and empathy. I will stand in the question of how best to do that by way of action. I will pray for guidance. And I will look toward leadership that helps us do this (and vote for leadership that helps us do this!). It's about interdependence (I really love that word). Being stronger together.

I have a lot of questions, yes. But here's what I know. And what I defend. Because I'm a light-worker, dammit. Lol. I can't help it. ;-) Looking to the light... focusing on and growing the positive is a choice. It's not the same as "head in the sand" or "head in the clouds" or whatever. It's not denial of problems, but it is a rejection of fear. A rejection of cynicism. (Thank you, President Obama for your powerful words around that at last night's convention). You find what you look for. And you grow what you focus on. We have to decide how we want to experience life... for ourselves and for the world live in... and promote the heck of that. To see what is good and right already. And then... look at where we still need to go. The possibilities for more good and what we can do to "get there". Together.

And. And. All of this going on... AND. It's summer! We're alive. We're breathing. I look out my window and I see trees and gardens... a dog... birds. There is music being made, love being shared, wine being sipped, and silly laughter. We can balance the depth and intensity of these times with simple joys. Paying attention to those moments that bring a smile. And really feeling them. Contrast is good for that reason... it forces us to seek balance. We can breathe through it all and find some respite in the gray areas. In the questions. In the process. In the awakening. In active surrender. In love.
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As always, my friends... Namaste. :-)

I've been doing some pondering (what, me?) ;-) ... kind of about the whole spiritual concept that we are "whole, perfect, and complete" just as we are. This is the heart of spiritual principle and something we hear and say a lot. But do we really get what that means? And is it possible to sometimes misuse... or, dare I say... abuse this knowledge?

But first let me say that yes... yes, we absolutely are whole, perfect and complete. There is a spirit in us, an essence, that is pure, unconditional love... and unconditionally loving and lovable. One with God. One with the Universe. This is the deep down Truth that I believe and hold dear. My song lyrics reflect this:  that "it's enough"... that all you need to do is "come back to your heart... to all that you are"... and that "love will provide". I believe all of these things. Yet, I kind of think there is a danger in how we interpret this. Yes, grace is essential in this thing we call "being human"...  allowing grace for ourselves and others along life's journey. But maybe... just maybe... we sometimes use "I am perfect just the way I am" to justify certain things... and maybe we let ourselves off the hook a little too easily when we know we can be doing better. And by "doing better", I mean loving better. Loving our bodies better by taking better care of them. Loving each other better. Loving our planet better. Loving by taking loving action.

I have gotten to a place of real peace in my life. I feel "comfortable"... comfortable in my skin and comfortable in my surroundings. And this is good! But at the same time, I'm not sure we are meant to always be comfortable... that our ultimate goal is to necessarily make ourselves comfortable or to push away discomfort in the name of "being true to ourselves".

I've been trying to be a little more mindful lately about where I can stretch beyond my comfort zone... in both large and small ways. These past couple of weeks have presented some opportunities... seemingly uncomfortable situations that, instead of reacting out of habit, or just avoiding them, I chose to ask myself instead, "what is the most loving thing to do here?" Even small steps can make a difference, leading to bigger ones that not only affect our own lives, but the world we are a part of.

The first notable opportunity was a routine medical screening that I had been putting off (because it seemed so very... uncomfortable!). Instead of fighting and cursing it, I finally chose to see it as a gift. I decided to dive into it as an opportunity to love my body. The hardest part, it seemed, was the prep. I had to fast from solid foods... clear liquids only for 36 hours... which also included drinking a ton of a "not so pleasant" prescription cocktail. Ugh. Initially, this felt like torture to me, the girl who loves substantial meals and gets low blood sugar if she doesn't eat. But, choosing to see this screening as a gift (because it really was), I made the whole thing a mission of love. I became sort of a geek about it, stocking up on all of the quality, delicious, nutritious, energy-giving clear liquids I could think of and researching tips and tricks to make the whole process as positive as possible. I ended up breezing through it all, really...  and I know it was because I focused on loving my body and on gratitude for a potentially life-saving procedure.  

Shortly after that experience, I was presented with another opportunity to stretch. Eric is a regular blood donor with Red Cross. While I have always admired people for donating without a thought, I have to admit, I had let my squeamishness prevent me from giving blood. It made me feel weak just thinking about it. So I'd justified that it "just wasn't my thing". Well, Eric got a call reminding him he was scheduled to give blood that day (he had forgotten) and on a whim he asked me if I might want to join him... to give blood. My immediate reaction was "ummm... no... I don't think I can do that...", but I stopped myself and decided to at least fill out the donor screening questionnaire. As I was reading and answering the questions, I realized not everyone can give blood and that I was a perfect candidate. I suddenly "got" that I had an important gift to give that would far outweigh any potential discomfort. So, with my heart and mind focused on the loving thing to do, I jumped in the car and headed to the donor site with Eric. Again, I breezed through it.  And, again, I know it was because of my focus on love. 

I may still want to wimp out at times, but I am hereby committing myself to ask what the most loving thing to do is when I'm presented with something that doesn't initially feel comfortable. Challenging what's "usual"... or "well, this is just who I am".  It's not about forcing myself  to do something I don't want to do... it's about recognizing where I might just be caught in habitual reacting and maybe thinking too small. All I know is that when I stretch in the name of higher love and greater good, it always ends up feeling right. And so worth any discomfort. And... honestly... the actual doing usually ends up to be far less uncomfortable than the thinking about the doing anyway. ;-) 

This week, in an attempt to "clean house", I went through old documents in an accordian file... various documents from the past decade or so... literally "shredding" my past. Wow. All kinds of feelings came up, some of them unexpected, as I revisited years gone by. In addition to a "mood journal" from 11 years ago (What a trip! More on that later...), there was rental information from a variety of living scenarios, health records, check stubs and past employment documents. I've been so happy and at peace lately... living freer than I ever have in so many ways... that I had almost forgotten some of the trials and tribulations along my journey that brought me to where I am now. Uncomfortable as it was pouring through some of that paperwork, it gave me an even greater appreciation for where I am today. The lyrics to my song, What Falls Away, have never felt so true: "the hurting, the crying... the stumbling and trying... all part of a greater good... what falls away, brings me closer to what I'm meant to be...". And, just to be clear, it's not that things just... ta da!... fall away like magic. It's more about becoming aware of the things that are no longer serving our real selves and allowing them to fall away. And that process often takes great courage and strength. Growth... as in real change... is not necessarily meant to be comfortable. :-) 
 
So, sifting through the documents, I came upon one in particular that hit a nerve. It was an annual performance review from my days as a salesperson for a retailer whose name I won't mention here. :-) There were a few "needs improvement" comments that, quite honestly, made me a little ill... remembering how hurt and angry I was... and how I felt completely unvalued at the time. But any  remnants of those old feelings quickly gave way to gratitude. And relief. All the places of "needs improvement" on that performance review were clearly things my soul just couldn't get on board with. What needed improvement was my job scenario... not me. There were just too many things about that job... and that company... that were out of alignment with my core values. When I fully realized that's what was going on, the Universe presented me with a new job. Thank. God. :-)

The thing about the whole "falling away" thing is that it doesn't happen overnight. And at the time you are going through stuff, the path is not always clear... and can sometimes feel like nothing is happening, when in fact, something is always happening. The value for me in looking back is really seeing that I really can trust myself... trust life... trust the Universe. There really is rhyme and reason. Or I choose to see it that way (though Eric and I sometimes wonder what our lives would have been like if we met each other sooner... but that's a whole other blog!). :-)

Now... about that "mood journal". :-) There was a period in my life when I was experiencing anxiety and depression on a pretty regular basis. So I decided to keep a journal of my moods to see if I could gain any insight as to what was going on underneath it all.  What was revealed in the journal were themes of loneliness and disconnect. Some of it was situational, such as traveling a lot for my cruise ship job and living a sort of transient life... and some of it was overthinking and too much focus on my little "s" self. I tried anti-depressants briefly, but they didn't seem to make much difference, so I abandoned those. That's when I suspected it was more of a spiritual thing... that my spirit was trying to get my attention. And in that way, the anxiety/depression was truly a gift. But, oh man. Reading parts of that journal was almost exhausting... lol! But it gave me compassion for myself and my journey. I can't really say I've had major trauma in my life... on a scale some have had... but spiritual disconnect, especially for those who are spiritually sensitive, can make one feel literally ill. While I do believe medication can help people with chemical imbalances, it alone will not "cure" spiritual disconnect, which I happen to believe is the root cause of a lot of depression and anxiety. There's a longing to really feeI connected to the heart of life (call it God, Universe, Spirit, or whatever resonates), to our true Selves, and to each other. Having the awareness, tools, community, and relationships I have now has made all the difference... and reading that journal made me realize how dramatic the evolution has been.

So... "needs improvement"? I don't think so. :-) I'm all for stepping up and challenging ourselves in accordance with highest good, but I guess I just don't like the word "improve". To me, it implies "not good enough"... or simply "not enough". Instead, I rather like the idea of growing the best version of ourselves... and growing the best version of our lives and our world by honoring and respecting our true nature... love, peace, joy, harmony, prosperity, service... and letting the rest fall away. I know... easier said than done. Or undone. :-) But it's possible. I've experienced it in my own life. And that's a start.   

Today... I pay tribute to Buddy. Buddy is a "country dog" who lives out here with us. Well, he belongs to Eric's parents, but freely roams the 40 or so acres on which we reside. He is a rescue dog who landed in Paradise. And he knows it. :-) (I guess I can sort of relate... lol). I've grown to love this quirky, big-hearted pup... and I've come to know his ways. He has unwittingly taught me some stuff, actually. That whole "DOG is GOD spelled backwards" thing? I'm pretty sure that isn't a coincidence. To me, a dog is one of the purest forms of unconditional love... a playful reflection of our own DOG-GOD nature. I love dogs. And I love Buddy.

So yeah, there are a lot of "what I have learned from my dog" lists out there, but every dog has his own unique personality... his own "thing". So here is my list. Ten things I have learned from this lovable Border Collie named Buddy:

1.  Stop and smell the journey.

We have recently started taking Buddy for walks. On a leash. Out on the paved road. This is relatively new for this free-roaming dog... and he is really starting to get into it. "OH... this is what dogs are supposed to do! Cool!" ;-) He caught on quickly. So this has added a new dimension to our human and dog relationship. The "companion on the path" kind of thing. And we learn from each other in this. Buddy, like all dogs, needs to stop and sniff. We can be clipping along, when suddenly his schnoz grinds us to a halt. My inclination is to tug at his leash and urge him to keep trotting, but as Eric reminds me, dogs need to stop and sniff. It's part of their enjoyment in being "out there". So, yeah... it's OK to want to get to where you are going, but don't miss out on all the juicy little things along the way. And don't just notice them, but get your nose right in there and breathe them in fully! Let the little things fill you completely! Thanks, Buddy. :-)

2.  Stay in synch with your walking companion.
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As I mentioned in #1, Buddy is really getting the hang of this dog walking thing (or human walking thing... as it sometimes seems). Eric and I take turns holding the leash, and when I'm trailing behind them, I enjoy watching the dynamic that happens. There is a mindfulness of where each is at in regards to pacing and direction. There is a give and take. Buddy may try to speed up or veer off in a slightly different direction, but does so with an awareness of what's going on with Eric and adjusts accordingly. And vice versa. It's almost like each is a personal trainer, looking out for the other's best interest. And isn't that what healthy, loving partnership is all about? Finding the "higher road" together for the greater good?   

3.  Drink from the pond.

Buddy doesn't have a water dish outside. Instead, he drinks from a beautiful pond with fish and frogs and plants and algae. All co-existing together. Buddy somehow knows the value of taking nourishment from this perfect, self-sustaining ecosystem. Imagine living in a world like this pond... with healthy, nourishing interdependence. Thank you for the perspective, Buddy.

4. Love and protect fiercely.

Border Collies in particular have an innate instinct to serve and protect. Buddy is no exception. And here, with so much wildlife and open space, he has his work cut out for him. He is tireless in his attempts to stave off coyotes and other possible threats. I often hear him outside our trailer... barking and dashing about. He is a fierce protector. He also greets us when we come home... and herds us safely inside. There is an honorable sense of duty that feels like love, reminding me to cherish who and what I hold dear. And to be clear about how best I can do that.

5.  Don't chase cars in the road!

Probably with good intentions (he is a herding dog after all), Buddy has had this thing about wandering off to the road on his own to chase cars. I'm hoping the regular walks on a leash will curb the desire (so far so good), but nonetheless, this is part of Buddy's troubled past... lol. Chasing cars can be self-defeating (not to mention dangerous)! The lesson? Don't chase! Allow the "cars" that are meant to find you to come down your driveway. Otherwise, just let them pass. :-)

6.  Know when to go through an open door.
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Buddy is primarily an outdoor dog. And there's a lot of dirt and mud outside. So there are places inside that he is not allowed to venture. And he has pretty much had to learn (sometimes the hard way) that just because a door is open, he shouldn't necessarily go through it. He needs to be invited. Lesson: Not all open doors are meant for us. It's best to get clear about which ones are ours to go through. To know when we have an authentic invitation from on high. 

7.  Don't be afraid to lay right down in the dirt.

Buddy has no qualms about laying right down wherever he is... to rest or to simply enjoy the moment. Often this will be right down on the dirt... or mud even. He's not afraid to get his paws (or the rest of him) dirty. Perhaps he knows this is where much of real life occurs. In the messy places. The raw, unrefined, unkempt parts of ourselves and our world. Enjoying freedom from perfection and appearances. I'll probably be learning this one for a while. ;-)

8.  Expose your underbelly every once in a while!

Whenever I greet Buddy, the first thing he does is drop down and roll onto his back. Just like that. So trusting... so open and ready to receive. Completely vulnerable. My energy tells him it's OK. He absolutely knows the reward that awaits. A loving pat on the head and a gentle belly rub. Showing our underbellies now and again can be so healing. We just need to have a good sense of who we can be vulnerable with... to be aware of the energy between each other. 

9.  Fly!

Buddy gets pretty worked up over birds and insects... and airplanes. I kid you not... he barks at airplanes! So I've deduced that he gets excited about anything that flies. He knows that flying is where it's at! Living free and soaring above it all... spreading our wings. Thanks for the reminder, Buddy. To live with our paws in the earth while our spirits soar. Yes!

10.  Kiss often... love unconditionally.
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Last but not least. It is completely natural for Buddy to love unconditionally. To lavish with face licks and an ever loving gaze. It's not even something he does... it's just what he is. Without the ego that we humans have that can get in the way. A dog has no ego. Just as Spirit has no ego. Again, the DOG-GOD thing. Having Buddy around helps ground me in unconditional love. I will never be as good at giving and receiving it as he is, but what a gift it is to have him around. And I know I'm not alone there. We humans love our canines! It really is a dog's life... we're just lucky to get to share it with them. :-)

I sent a newsletter to my email list this morning and just wanted to share here. If you're not yet on my email list and would like to be, you can sign up on my home page.

Meanwhile, you can CLICK HERE to read my latest update. Enjoy! :-)

There's this book I really love... a book I got years ago that I still check in with from time to time. It's called "Journey to the Heart" by Melody Beattie. It's a collection of musings and meditations with an entry for every day of the year. I've owned lots of self-help and spiritual books over the years, but this is one that has stuck with me and always seems to resonate. Looking for some blogging inspiration, I flipped to the entry for May 4th, entitled "Cherish Each Moment". It couldn't have been more in alignment with where I was. In it, she writes: "Most of us relish the magnificent spiritual experiences, those tremendous discoveries, those important times of change. But those moments don't happen that often. The truth is, each moment in time is a spiritual experience, an important time of change. Cherish ALL your moments. Let each moment have value. The life you desire is happening right now. Your destiny is here."

See, I thought I needed some inspiration. I haven't blogged in a few weeks because I wasn't sure I had anything of real value to blog about. Life is peaceful. Simple and peaceful. No angst... no deep soul searching... no major "a-ha" revelations. Oh, it's not that I don't have those human (or hormonal, lol) "moments" or upsets or irritations... it's just that life overall feels GOOD. And I almost feel guilty about that. ;-) Almost. Until I remember all the angst-ridden, raw nerved times of unrest before this. Working a stressful job, lamenting life choices, searching for peace, happiness, and love. Thinking too much and trying too hard.  It's not that I ever intend to stop growing or evolving... it's just that these days it feels like my heart has arrived, if you will. Or maybe it's more like I have finally arrived at my heart. I feel a sense of wholeness I don't think I ever have before. Like everything that matters is right here, right now... inside and out.  And I know to cherish it. And I am grateful... so grateful. Part of it is having seasoned perspective and awareness... and part of it is about spiritual alignment and what has manifested as a result. A healthy, loving, satisfying relationship. Work that doesn't feel like work  and pays my bills. Work that uses my gifts and talents, feels purposeful, and that I enjoy. Living simply and beautifully amongst the trees, birds, and frogs. :-) 

Simplicity has become huge for me. I used to think simple was boring. But I think I was mistaking it for superficiality. Superficiality is definitely boring to me. :-) But simplicity... simplicity is not boring as it might imply nor is it necessarily easy. Simplicity is a choice. An intention. And for some of us, it's hard-earned.  I personally had to retrain my brain. I had to recognize and undo detrimental thought patterns and create new ones. Which is exactly what "New Thought" is.  It's reprogramming the mind, basically, to align with our true nature... our core. And I'm here to say, it works. And the reason I know it works is that as I've shifted my thoughts over the course of a decade or so, my surroundings and my experience of life have shifted.

So here I sit in this beautiful little trailer out in the country and I experience the "simple sacred"... the warmth, the energy, the colors and decor. Through the windows I see lush green. I hear birds chirping. I feel peace. I spend most days writing, making music... making and sharing meals... drinking wine... walking in nature... loving and being loved. I mean, what else is there, really? :-) Well, ok... there are also chores and tasks and other such responsibilities to tend to, but my "heart essentials" are all graciously in place.

And in creating this simpler life with less space, I've really had to downsize. That means getting rid of "stuff". Can I tell you how freeing that is? Just yesterday I put two bags worth of paperwork and memorabilia into the recycling bin. Another bag I am going to burn or shred. As I sifted and sorted, my song "What Falls Away" came into my head:  "...with a kiss goodbye, I let go of all the tattered pieces... what falls away reveals the essence... the essence of me".  Simplicity is all about stripping down to the essence, inside and out. To that which is essential. To what matters.

There was a time I think I was hooked on drama and complication... that somehow it made me feel alive. These days it's quite the opposite and I've never felt more alive. And SO relieved. I know now that simple is not boring and is indeed valuable.  It's something I'm learning to celebrate... every day.

"Try not to try too hard... it's just a lovely ride". These are the simple and wise words of James Taylor from his song "Secret o' Life". It's a line that always gets me. You see, there's kind of a danger in living a conscious life. There's often this tendency to  overanalyze and try too hard to "get it right". I know this has been my experience, anyway. That line of the song instantly calms me... reassures me... and even gets me to sort of laugh at myself. Levity. Ease. Grace. The Big Exhale.

To allow the "ride" part of the journey, we have to see life as such. When we "take a ride", we have to allow ourselves to be carried... to flow with all the twists and turns and bumps in the road. This doesn't mean we just go whichever way the wind blows... it means we lay down a road of intention and allow the wheels to align with it.

Remembering that life is indeed a ride keeps things in perspective. It helps us to not take things too seriously...  get too lost in our "story"... or drown in the deep end of the pool. It's about trust. Trusting ourselves and life enough to flow with it. Yes, we do our valuable work digging through the rubble of our conditioning and false beliefs... but it's important not to lose sight that love is all there is underneath all that rubble, even when we can't really see it. We just need to trust it is there. Always. Love is the rock solid road beneath our wheels. Holding fast to that... to love... we are free to enjoy the ride. To enjoy the living!

Whatever specific intentions we pave our road with, it really does all come down to love. Remembering that is what helps me when I get stressed about trying to "do the right things" to further my goals. We can get so caught up in trying to make things go the way we think they should that we block the natural flow. For ourselves and  for others. 

I experienced this in action last week during our spring break beach trip when the 9-year-old among us had the idea for the three of us to build a sandcastle. Fun! She began by designing the structure with her dad and then started building. Because she had her own idea about how things should be done (out of excitement and, well, just being a kid), she started "instructing" us. I immediately started feeling this sense of constriction... which really shouldn't be the case when you're building a sand castle! ;-) See, instead of being on my hands and knees sculpting sand like she wanted me to do, I was more inclined to collect unique and beautiful rocks and shells to adorn the castle. That was my thing. The underlying intention was the same for all of us... to build something together out of love... but how each of us showed up to it took some allowing. Once I explained this to her, there was a freedom and flow in our creation together...and in our experience together. A very small scale reminder about how important it is on the journey to honor each other's "way"... and each other's pace. Allowing alignment is a huge part of enjoying the ride.

There's another line in "Secret o' Life" that I just love:  "Nobody knows how we got to the top of the hill... but since we're on our way down, we might as well enjoy the ride". Ahhh... there is something about mid-life in particular that changes the view. Having spent so much of my younger years trying so hard... working so hard to make things "right"... there is such freedom in having "been there, done that". And letting it all go. One of the biggest rewards of having done all that work is recognizing that it doesn't have to be so much work anymore. "Sliding down... gliding down..." as James Taylor puts it. Yes, I still have my bumps, twists, and turns in the road... but my vehicle these days is better equipped to roll with it all. ;-)

"The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time..." Don't forget that! It can't all be roses all the time... but it's always a good idea to have those rose-colored glasses handy. Enjoying the ride is just a perspective away. :-)

I love seasons. I need to live in a place with seasons. I'm always ready for them... for the changes both externally and internally that they bring. Spring is kind of a tough one here in the Pacific Northwest, though. We are more than ready for warmer, sunnier days by the time March rolls around... and we do get some "teasers" in there... but mostly, the grey and rainy days persist, sometimes well into June. So it always kind of comes up on me unawares... the official day of spring equinox. It was actually Facebook that alerted me with "Happy first day of spring, Lauri!" But, thinking about it now, I did feel it. Even before I realized it was spring, I felt a subtle shift... an openness to and awareness of new life. Inside and out. A sense of freshness... of breathing cleaner air, literally and metaphorically.

On the day before the official equinox, as I was traveling up to the Seattle area to perform the next morning, I was alerted that the musical director/pianist had taken ill and might not be able to play... or that we would possibly need to adjust some things from what was planned. I wasn't too worried, as Eric was making the trip with me and I knew he could jump in and accompany on most of the songs if need be. But it still threw me off a bit, this being the first time at this particular center. We would just need to sort of wait and see how things looked in the morning.

What this news did was actually give me an opportunity to trust... to go with the flow... to let go of any expectation and be open to something new. As it turned out, the pianist was able to play most of what he'd planned to, though he was pretty sick and we only had a short time that morning to rehearse. But because we allowed divine inspiration to take over (well... that in addition to our collective experience and professionalism, of course) we not only pulled it off, but there was something truly unique and beautiful that bloomed amidst the circumstance.  Just like nature in springtime. :-) There's a quote by Sandra Kring that I just love: "The tiny seed knew that in order to grow, it needed to be dropped in dirt, covered in darkness, and struggle to reach the light."

But OH... do I have my days. Just yesterday as I headed out for my daily walk, it started to rain. Really rain. Dark sky, cold, determined rain. UGH. Dammit! Isn't this supposed to be spring??? I allowed myself to just resolve to the gloom and grumpily trudged along. And then... just when I was least expecting it... the rain stopped and there was light! Not exactly sunny... but there was a sudden, surprising burst of light and the rain subsided. I felt my whole disposition shift, pulled off my hood, and just took it all in. Yes. This is what I'm talking about! At any moment, some large or small miracle can spring upon us (pun fully intended). But we have to be open to it... and to acknowledge and appreciate it. That's the key.

So here's another one. Earlier this week, as I started my "usual day", Eric surprised me by suggesting a spontaneous, last minute overnight getaway to soak in mineral tubs and take in new sights. Just like that, our weekly routine got a little lift... a spark of magic... a change in perspective. And just one day of that opens the pathway to see new life everywhere... every day. 

Spring is indeed about new life... coming out of the darkness.  Being open to possibilities beyond the status quo. Inspired spontaneity.  It is a time to challenge what has been. Even the stuff that has been working just fine... our "functional routines", so to speak. What about sparkle and shininess?  I am a big advocate of  embracing what is in terms of acceptance and authenticity, but not to the extreme that we close ourselves off to miracles and magic. We need to be open to seeing a flower bloom where we didn't even know a seed had been planted. To be shown something completely new and unexpected.

I do love spring, even with all the rain. ;-) New dawn... new day... new life.  It's possible in every moment. Just be open to it! And when it shows itself to you, really SEE it. And give it a big hug. OK? :-)

This past weekend I ventured into a new spiritual community to share my music... my voice... my heart. That is always the big picture intention. To share, inspire, and shine a light. In the process of doing that, there are technical and logistical things that need to happen, like rehearsing with a new band and acclimating to a new space, etc. I will admit, it can sometimes be a challenge to stay focused on the intention without getting distracted by how smoothly these things are going from my perspective. And that is the key word... my perspective. I am sometimes just too close to see what others see. I judge too harshly or somehow get fixated on details. So thank God for the people who come up after the service and engage with me! Yes! :-) I have to say, I've come to the realization that it's really not enough to just "do my thing". My thing is your thing, really... and I believe that's how it should be. It is when people come up and share what they felt or observed... or even just take an interest... that reminds me what the heck I'm doing and where I stand with my intentions... where I'm succeeding and where I might need to grow. What kind of impact, large or small, I am making. We all need that from each other, don't we? To really see each other and actually verbalize what we are seeing and experiencing in each other? Yes... I believe so!  And on that note... thank you, little Riley, for the very sweet hand-drawn customized picture (worth a thousand words, as they say).  Have I mentioned I love my job?  :-)

This week I was asked to sing the Katy Perry song "Unconditionally" for an upcoming inspirational service. It got me thinking about the first time I was asked to sing it... two years ago in honor of Valentine's Day. I had never heard the song before, and I remember thinking, "Me? Sing a Katy Perry song?" But as soon as I listened to it, I knew it was mine to sing. Thank you, Universe.

You see, I was single at the time... unattached... un-partnered... whatever you want to call it. ;-) Being on my own a good number of my adult years, I had gotten pretty good at the independent life. I figured  since I couldn't seem to find anyone I truly clicked with, I would make the very most of my life as a happily single person.  Just as I was starting to "resign" myself and accept what I thought was my destiny, I was asked to sing this song about intimate, unconditional love between two people. BAM. That's when it hit me. I had sort of been in denial. I had basically given up wanting what I truly wanted  deep down. Perhaps I believed that since I had turned away perfectly lovely people along my journey  I didn't deserve to be with anyone... or that the soul mate I desired just didn't exist.

As I listened to "Unconditionally" over and over again and began to embody the song, I could feel it slowly start to break my heart open. I began coming to terms with, and uncovering a deep longing that I had sort of hidden away. A longing to truly give my heart to someone... to share myself and my life fully... and  to love someone unconditionally... specifically, in an intimate relationship. And tears began to flow. Tears of both joy and pain. I knew it was time to finally give myself  permission to want what I wanted. To really open myself to it. To be vulnerable. And to get clear about my heart's desires in a partner. I realized that for it to exist "out there", it had to exist in my own being... in my own heart... in my own knowing. I had to believe that it existed. That he existed. I had to "get ready".

So, as much as I never thought I'd sing a Katy Perry song ;-) I have to say, it really got to me... and I sang it that Sunday with all my heart and soul. And...  guess who was sitting in the front row that morning? Yep. My soul mate, Eric. :-) Turns out he was "getting  ready", too. And little did we know that just a few weeks from that morning we would have our first official date.  As we would later discover, we were both doing the "prep work" for our relationship. Making room. Getting clear.

Eric and I "meet" each other and connect on so many levels... most importantly, we have the desire and willingness to love each other unconditionally. It's not always rosy... and certainly not perfect... but it's real, it's beautiful, and it's what my heart has always desired. The unconditional love we share is something that grows every day. And we learn from it and from each other. Constantly. Along with the attraction and chemistry (which I do believe just has to be there... one of those things I had all but given up on), it is a choice to love unconditionally. And God keeps growing us in that department. And I am so thankful for that.

February is the month of love. I celebrate love every day, but this month in particular, I have been celebrating the intimate, soulmate love that came into my life two years ago. Reminding myself to never take it for granted. I am deeply grateful for the rich rewards and the way it has grown my heart to love in all capacities.

Believe in LOVE. Always. Pure, beautiful, unconditional love... in all its forms.  Love is absolutely our greatest ally in this world. And... it does exist. <3