This week I was asked to sing the Katy Perry song "Unconditionally" for an upcoming inspirational service. It got me thinking about the first time I was asked to sing it... two years ago in honor of Valentine's Day. I had never heard the song before, and I remember thinking, "Me? Sing a Katy Perry song?" But as soon as I listened to it, I knew it was mine to sing. Thank you, Universe.

You see, I was single at the time... unattached... un-partnered... whatever you want to call it. ;-) Being on my own a good number of my adult years, I had gotten pretty good at the independent life. I figured  since I couldn't seem to find anyone I truly clicked with, I would make the very most of my life as a happily single person.  Just as I was starting to "resign" myself and accept what I thought was my destiny, I was asked to sing this song about intimate, unconditional love between two people. BAM. That's when it hit me. I had sort of been in denial. I had basically given up wanting what I truly wanted  deep down. Perhaps I believed that since I had turned away perfectly lovely people along my journey  I didn't deserve to be with anyone... or that the soul mate I desired just didn't exist.

As I listened to "Unconditionally" over and over again and began to embody the song, I could feel it slowly start to break my heart open. I began coming to terms with, and uncovering a deep longing that I had sort of hidden away. A longing to truly give my heart to someone... to share myself and my life fully... and  to love someone unconditionally... specifically, in an intimate relationship. And tears began to flow. Tears of both joy and pain. I knew it was time to finally give myself  permission to want what I wanted. To really open myself to it. To be vulnerable. And to get clear about my heart's desires in a partner. I realized that for it to exist "out there", it had to exist in my own being... in my own heart... in my own knowing. I had to believe that it existed. That he existed. I had to "get ready".

So, as much as I never thought I'd sing a Katy Perry song ;-) I have to say, it really got to me... and I sang it that Sunday with all my heart and soul. And...  guess who was sitting in the front row that morning? Yep. My soul mate, Eric. :-) Turns out he was "getting  ready", too. And little did we know that just a few weeks from that morning we would have our first official date.  As we would later discover, we were both doing the "prep work" for our relationship. Making room. Getting clear.

Eric and I "meet" each other and connect on so many levels... most importantly, we have the desire and willingness to love each other unconditionally. It's not always rosy... and certainly not perfect... but it's real, it's beautiful, and it's what my heart has always desired. The unconditional love we share is something that grows every day. And we learn from it and from each other. Constantly. Along with the attraction and chemistry (which I do believe just has to be there... one of those things I had all but given up on), it is a choice to love unconditionally. And God keeps growing us in that department. And I am so thankful for that.

February is the month of love. I celebrate love every day, but this month in particular, I have been celebrating the intimate, soulmate love that came into my life two years ago. Reminding myself to never take it for granted. I am deeply grateful for the rich rewards and the way it has grown my heart to love in all capacities.

Believe in LOVE. Always. Pure, beautiful, unconditional love... in all its forms.  Love is absolutely our greatest ally in this world. And... it does exist. <3

Shadows. Light. Dark energy. Light energy. Duality. This seems to be a theme lately...  especially in this transition from winter to spring. Feeling both darkness and light (sometimes in extremes) and living in the duality of both of these energies. Because they both exist... always. Yep... there are days I just let myself be in a funk, allowing the darkness to keep me in bed a little longer or mutter expletives under my breath a little more... lol... and that's OK, as long as I see it for what it is and don't stay "there" too long. Mostly, I see this time as an opportunity to practice remembering. Remembering the light that is always there. Acknowledging the darkness, but coming home to the light... over and over again. It's a practice... definitely.  

A few years ago, I remember a dear friend and co-worker of mine noticing a change in me. I had been taking classes and just really immersing myself in spiritual practice and spiritual community. She said, "it's like you have this little Bunsen Burner inside you... this little flame right in your center". Wow. How cool that she observed it this way (and without me even saying much about what was going on with me). Yes! I was learning how to get in touch with that "love energy buzz" (as it feels to me) within. And it was showing! I was becoming aware of that unchanging and consistent light within. Call it God... call it higher power... call it truth... call it essence... call it the "one heart". Whatever the name, it's unconditional. It is always there. Eternally present. It's just that we sometimes forget. We get distracted by the drama in the world. "Bad" things happen. Yes, darkness is always there, too... along with the light... and we can either dwell in that darkness... feed it and let it expand... or. OR.

Or... we can feed and expand the light. We can "give it to God". Easy to say... but what does that mean? It means different things to different people. To me, it means sitting still in the midst of what feels like chaos and honing in on that little "buzz" inside. The buzz of love energy. Seeing in my mind's eye a pure, white light. Feeling  the warmth. It usually starts small and then radiates out and spreads through my body... out through my fingertips and toes... out through the top of my head... and into the world and whatever situation is causing pain or disturbance.  It's what this world needs. Shadow or dark energy is always there, too, but I believe we can flood ourselves with love energy and create a shift in how we experience our world and its circumstances. We can even shift the circumstance itself with the kind of energy we are feeding it. The point isn't to ignore the darkness, but to remember the light amidst the dark. Without darkness we wouldn't really know to cherish and appreciate the light. It is there as a reminder of light.

I like thinking of dark and light in terms of energy. When it comes down to it, energy is everything... and everything is energy. As a singer, a performer, I am especially affected by energy. And my energy affects those I share my music with, for sure. It's cyclical. I have felt my whole performance shift depending on the energy present. If I feel skepticism or criticism going into it... or overly cerebral or egoic energy overshadowing the heart... it can negatively affect the flow of "love energy" if I'm not careful. I have felt this happen. On the other hand, when I am immersed in love energy... when I feel encouraged and free to shine my light... something greater emerges and there is this beautiful, cyclical flow of love energy between myself and the audience. This is what I love most... why I do what I do... and why I know I need to keep practicing  the remembering. To tune into the Bunsen Burner inside me (I just love that image) and let it spread like wildfire throughout my being and outward. Not only in singing/performing, but in all interaction.

Love energy is our essence. We just forget sometimes. It really is a continuous practice of remembering. Meditation, music, being in nature, spending time with loved ones, in community with treasured friends and family... these are all things that help me remember. That bring me back home to my heart... to that Bunsen Burner within. :-) How do you remember? <3

This week I got some exciting news from my sister, Sheryl. She told me she was invited to New York City (all expenses paid!) to attend an event by a big NYC toy company that she became affiliated with through the virtual world of blogging. You see, Sheryl is a preschool teacher, and over the past few years she has built up an impressive following on her blogsite "Teaching 2 and 3 Year Olds" (http://teaching2and3yearolds.com/) simply by following her heart and using her natural gifts and talents (well... plus a whole lot of time, energy, passion, and commitment!). I couldn't be more proud of her. She is truly an example of the philosophy that "what we believe about ourselves is what we manifest". I watched her go from an attitude of "I'm just trying my hand at this" to stepping fully in and claiming her authentic power and authority.

At each new milestone as she was growing her site, I remember her asking, "Wait a minute... who am I to be doing this? Do I really have the credentials?" It's that little voice that creeps in and wants to undermine... to sabotage. Don't we all know that voice? Dang... I know I do. I think we all hear that voice when we put ourselves out there in pursuit of our dreams. It's how we react to that voice that is key. I know she'd say that in her past she did let that voice stop her. But in this leg of her journey, I have proudly watched her quiet that voice and keep on keepin' on. We would have conversations about it. She would express her doubts and fears... just get it out... and then "act anyway". She just kept showing up to her passion... steadily and consistently... at her desk in her little corner of the world, pouring out heartfelt words and images that inspire teachers, parents, and grandparents with ideas and information. And now... this virtual world is leading her "out there"... all the way to NYC. How cool is that? :-) I am so proud of her for this success... this exciting trip... but I am even more proud of her for walking her life. For learning to believe in herself. For sharing her natural gifts and talents. And I'm so proud that she's my sister.

Ah, sisters. I am so blessed to have two sisters that are life-long friends... soul-mates, really. I have also watched my younger sister, Carolyn, push through fears and "rise to the occasion"... in so many ways. Heck, she recently stepped in to coach a basketball team of 11 year olds! Ummm... yeah. That's ultimate courage in my opinion. :-) But I will write more about the special connection I have with Carolyn in another blog... if I dare put in writing some of the craziness she has seen me through... lol.

 It was just Sheryl and I for seven years before sister number three came along,  so we were pretty close... very compatible playmates and friends. From Barbies to Big Wheels to Boyfriends... oh my! ;-) Our lives were pretty parallel up until our twenties when she got married and started a family and I... well, I almost did that... but took a detour and went the route of music and adventure (not that raising a family isn't an adventure... but I think you know what I mean). Yet, even though our lives looked different on the outside, we were connected in our souls. And yes, we were mirrors for each other. I would sometimes look at her life and long for marriage and family... and I know she would say she experienced the occasional pang of jealousy at my life of freedom and adventure. I suppose our souls wanted to have the fullness of all of it.

And here we are now... what feels like a balance of two extremes. This life-long bond of sisterhood has seen us through to a more fully realized version of ourselves, with our souls leading the way. I learn from my sisters, they learn from me, and we cheer each other on as we rise to our hearts desires. We remind each other of who we are and where we came from. And no matter where we are in life, there is unconditional love and connection. Oh... and freckles. Lots of freckles. :-)

Today I celebrate "soul mirror sisterhood". Cheers to those life-long bonds, blood ties or not, that lift us up, carry us forward. and remind us of who we truly are. And a big congratulations to my sister, Sheryl... to another milestone in your journey. Go get 'em, sis! <3